why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
