So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
