I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
