I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
