we're chasing vodka with high fives
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it glows. i had to have it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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