just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
