But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
