It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
