there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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