I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
