I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
