butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
