Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
how drunk are you?
Several
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
