Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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