I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
