No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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