You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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