plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
