Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
