I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
