i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
