respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
