It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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