you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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