capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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