how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
