Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just blew my weed a kiss
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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