Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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