We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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