Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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