At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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