marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
