well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
