but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
