One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
