cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
