can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
