i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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