the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
