Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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