I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
