dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
MIDGETS
????
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
