when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
