Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
