Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
