I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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