I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
