honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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