Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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