he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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