I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
