and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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