I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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