I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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