If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
