I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
