I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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