so explain again why im purple
no
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
