I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
