you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
