Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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