Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
