We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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