I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize