my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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