so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
