just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
