she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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