who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
