I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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